SWORDS

Kalau bepergian dengan budget ngepas, yang paling akan diingat kebanyakan orang pasti adalah untuk menghemat pengeluaran. Padahal, ada satu hal yang seharusnya lebih diutamakan dari itu; untuk tidak banyak berekspektasi! Jalan-jalan terbaruku sebetulnya nggak sepenuhnya cocok disebut jalan-jalan, lebih cocok disebut kabur, karena, pada faktanya, cuma kepingin lepas dari rutinitas yang gila ini walaupun hanya sebentar. Tanpa pikir panjang dan berhitung rapih soal berapa uang yang dibutuhkan, akhirnya berhasil juga menggeret Yolanda untuk pergi ke Pulau Seribu. Beberapa kali dia khawatir soal ini, apa uangnya cukup? Apa nanti aman disana? Apa nanti begini dan begitu? Tanpa dia tau, sebetulnya yang ditanya ngga lebih tau dari yang nanya, walaupun selalu jawab “santailah”. But, hey, when did we really know what we’re getting ourselves into anyway? Long story short, setelah keluar kelas jam 11 pada hari Sabtu, we’re off to Pelabuhan Muara Angke dengan angkot-kereta-bajaj. Saya...

It has been 2 fruitful years since i get myself out of one of the best times in my life; higschool. And so far i can blatantly say that the the line "highschool never ends" really gets it all right, because for some reasons i don't quite know, looking back to the shitty highschool drama i was once living is always somewhat entertaining. All the things that attached into my highschool times have taught me that, perhaps, we need to look at everything like it is something that we would miss. Once in a while, instead of capturing moments with digital cameras, we probably need to try to capture it with our head because there's nothing in this world that can remind you of something better than your mind does... am i right?  There's beauty in all that.

I kinda feel the need to share this. Have a good time, liebe Leute!

Berbahagialah mereka yang mati muda Makhluk kecil kembali dari tiada ke tiada Berbahagialah dalam ketiadaanmu - Soe Hok Gie

Coldplay - Everglow "There's a feeling within me, an everglow" Everything But The Girl - Downtown Train "Will i see you tonight on a downtown train?" Oasis - Don't Look Back In Anger "Don't you know you might find a better place to play?" Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons - I Make A Fool Of Myself "While you're collected and cool, i make a fool of myself" The Proclaimers - I Am On My Way "I am on my way to what i want from this world!" The Proclaimers - I Am Gonna Be (500 Miles) "I would walk 500 Miles, and i would walk 500 more, just to be the man who walks a thousand miles to fall down at your door" Carla Bruni - L'amour "L'amour pas pour moi, tous ces toujours, c'es pas net, ca joue des tours" Robbie Williams ft. Nicole Kidman - Something Stupid "But then i go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like i love you" ...

Entah apa yang bisa benar-benar tepat deskripsikan tahun 2015 ini. Dalam satu tahun terakhir ini ada terlalu banyak pengalaman dan pelajaran yang harus kurangkul erat-erat, terlalu banyak orang-orang asing yang akhirnya jadi bagian dari rutinitas sehari-hari, terlalu banyak perasaan-perasaan baru yang harus dicicip satu-satu (dan bahkan beberapa dalam waktu yang sama), terlalu banyak juga keputusan-keputusan yang pada akhirnya diganti, ditunda, bahkan dibuang, terkadang hanya untuk mengenal diri lebih dalam. Tak jarang juga pada akhirnya ada semacam keharusan untuk memainkan peran lain yang benar-benar bukan aku, semata-mata, ya, untuk menjadi diriku. Pada akhirnya bisa juga menatap ke belakang tanpa kesal dan menyesal, walaupun sebenarnya tak terhitung lagi berapa banyak kesalahan bodoh yang tidak sengaja dan sengaja dilakukan. Seperti undur-undur di pojokan kamar, rasanya seperti menjadi sangat kecil dan kosong, tapi pada saat yang bersamaan aku merasa tenang dan nyaman. Akhirnya b...

Margaret Wise Brown once wrote a beautiful story called The Runaway Bunny: Once there was a little bunny who wanted to run away. So he said to his mother, “I am running away!” “If you run away,” said his mother, “I will run after you. For you are my little bunny.” “If you run after me,” said the little bunny, “I will become a fish in a trout stream  and I will swim away from you.” “If you become a fish in a trout stream,” said his mother, “I will become a fisherman and I will fish for you.” “If you become a fisherman,” said the little bunny, “I will become a rock on the mountain high above you.” “If you become rock on the mountain high above me,” said his mother, “I will be a mountain climer, and I will climb to where you are.” “If you become a mountain climber,” said the little bunny, “I will be a crocus in a hidden garden.” “If you become a crocus in a hidden garden,” said his mother, “I will become a gardener and I will find you.” “If you bec...

I am offcially a mad man and i am ready to explode in 3-2-1 but i think i don’t have enough fuel because i should’ve exploded months before but i didn’t. I don’t know if i should be thankful or not, because sometimes i just want to explode, literally. Then my pieces would fly away to places i have never been, and experience things i have never experienced, and feel the feelings i have never felt before. And maybe, that way, i could be whole. But shit we live in a world of logic where, of course, i can’t. Well, maybe i actually can but i just don’t know how to? Some days i just wish i’d become the The Ground. Because The Ground stays humble down there no matter how many lives lean on it. The Ground comes up only once in a while in a form of pertrichor after the rain, and it calms down people’s hearts. The question “Why Am I A Human?” haunts me as often as i lay myself on the bed and that means almost 15/24 hours. Why not, Grass, Air, Fire, Moon, Planet, Sun, Wood, Asteroid, Black H...

In a few years, or a few months from now, maybe you would text or call me, then we'll arrange a time to meet up, maybe in a cafe or a Japanese restaurant (because I'd like to have salmon sushi). Maybe then you'd be so kind and somehow find the courage to see me in the eyes. Maybe then you'd talk about how your day was and maybe about your family too. Maybe you'd ask "and how's yours? What's new?" I maybe would roll my eyes like memes on 9gag and say "duh, a lot. We have not met in quite a long time." I maybe wouldn't be in a good mood to talk about what has happened during the gap since the last time we met, but as always, I guess I would just, in the end, find myself talking about everything anyway. Maybe we'd order another drink or dishes. The waitress would look at us cynically because we have been sitting there for 4 hours. You'd worry and suggest me to move to another place but I said no, why do we have to? We pay for t...

Ulang tahun berasa makin cepet tiap tahunnya. Rasanya baru banget kemarin ulang tahun ketiga dirayain tumpengan sama temen-temen di rumah Bandung, tiba-tiba dibilang “remaja” aja udah ga pantes lagi. I am a young-adult and officially legal!   Semoga bisa menjadi manusia yang lebih dewasa dalam kesehariannya (dewasa itu apa ya), dan semoga bisa lebih handal menyeimbangkan kemampuan melepas dan menerima banyak hal yang ditawarkan semesta. Kalau bisa tercapai, mungkin itu bakal lebih baik daripada mendapat perayaan atau kejutan selamat ulang tahun dari yang tak terduga.  Omong-omong soal perayaan, perayaan ulang tahun kali ini mungkin adalah salah satu yang terbaik, walaupun nggak ada kue, tumpeng, atau kado yang berlimpah. Bahkan ucapan selamat ulang tahun yang didapat, nggak sebanyak tahun-tahun sebelumnya. Tapi apa artinya ucapan, kue, tumpeng, dan kado yang berlimpah, tanpa ibu yang memperjuangkanku 19 tahun lalu. Kalau ada yang perlu diucapkan di hari ulang tahun...